Supportive or Not?

[chunkofcoal]

When you started following the Torah - like celebrating the feasts instead of other holidays, changing the way you eat, etc., was your family supportive or not?
When I told my family that I wasn't going to celebrate Christmas, that caused a stir.
Then, debating within myself whether or not we are supposed to follow the law, I realized how many times that question turns to food - pork especially, and also seafood. Being honest with myself, it dawned on me that part of me wanted to believe we didn't have to follow the law because I didn't want to give up pork and seafood. That is awful, I know, but maybe there are other people that feel that way, too?
Because of that, I decided a couple of weeks ago that I would stop eating pork and seafood and that is already causing a problem between me and my husband.
Did you all have these same kinds of problems or was your family supportive?
Also, what do you do in social situations where you know you don't "fit in"? My husband's family is having a get together on Saturday for my father-in-law's birthday. It's on Saturday (the Sabbath - should I go or not?), they are having pork and sauerkraut for dinner (should I warn my mother-in-law, who is doing the cooking, beforehand that I am not going to eat the pork and sauerkraut, but I'll eat the side dishes?) What do I do when the talk turns to Christmas -which they are all going to celebrate, but I'm not, and I am the one who used to host the family for Christmas dinner? What does one do in a situation like that? :scratch:
Any advice and encouragement is welcome!

[By Grace]

I get mixed reactions from my family. My DH is struggling with it, but he's trying to be understanding and accomodating as much as he's comfortable with. My mom and sisters are mostly supportive of celebrating the biblical holidays, but don't want to give up the other holidays. They are also supportive of my dietary changes and have made many of those changes themselves. But those are the family members that are relatively easy to deal with.

DH doesn't want me even mentioning any of this to his family. If they serve pork when we're visiting in Dec, I plan to politely refuse it and eat something else. I don't offer my 2 year old any pork products when we're visiting, but if my DH gives her some bacon or whatever, I don't stop him. We'll exchange Christmas gifts with most of the members of our family, on both sides, b/c they'll be giving us gifts, and DH really wants to participate.

As for the rest of my family (my parents are divorced): my dad and his wife also don't know about my new-found beliefs. I don't know yet whether I'll tell them. I'm not trying to keep it a secret from them, but since we don't see them very often, I don't know if it's really important to make a big deal of it or not. It's the same with the rest of my extended family. Since I don't see them much, I don't see the value in having them challenge my beliefs while I'm still so new to it and feeling somewhat insecure already. Maybe in a few years, when DH and I are more in agreement, then we'll tackle that hurdle.

So basically, to answer your question, I'm dealing with it by not dealing with it. Or I guess, I'm mostly just focusing on only one layer of family at a time.

It's really hard to figure out how to be "set apart", and yet, still "fit in" with those you love. Sometimes, that's an impossible task, and it's not always clear which side of the road you should lean towards. I don't think it's a problem to spend time with your family at family functions on the Sabbath--that's part of what the Sabbath is for, IMO. If you have to bring a dish, have it ready the day before. Avoid foods you know you're not supposed to eat, but you don't have to make a big deal out of it. When the conversation turns to Christmas, go do the dishes, or just sit quietly. When they ask if you're hosting again, suggest that maybe it's someone else's turn to host it; you may want to discuss this with your DH ahead of time, though, so he's not surprised at the change in plans and can support you.

I think that's the most important part of preparing for dealing with your family: discussing it ahead of time with DH. And that's the part I'm having such a hard time with, but I think it's really important to be clear with DH where both of you stand, so that other family members and friends won't be able to step in the middle and turn you against each other. If you're not in full agreement, keep that between yourselves. Try to come to agreement on how to handle family relationships before you're face-to-face with those people, even if it means that you both have to compromise.

Anyway, let me know how it goes!

[Blueskies]

My mother about had kittens when I quit celebrating christmas and easter. The clean food thing was less of an issue, due to the fact that I've always been a bit of a picky eater anyway.

As for the celebration, make a dish yourself. Take it with you. Make enough for everyone, and you can avoid the whole matter. Take some chicken cacciatorre (mmmm-mmmm...invite me along if you do!) Then say nothing about it when the time comes. Eat your dish, smile nicely and say no thank you when someone offers you pork, and tell them it will upset your stomach. (which is true!)

My hubby does not believe as I do, but he supports me 100%, and is trying to understand, for which I love him greatly!

shalom

[Pray4Isrel]

My parents, husband, friends and family are very supportive and have even chosen to incorporate things such as Passover and other celebrations/obsrvances into their routines. I have rarely, if ever, received criticism or harsh treatment from anyone I know about my choosing to be Messianic... and that is a blessing. :)

[visionary]

difficult situation.... the sabbath is a big issue at this house, I just try to have my quiet time with the Lord, and find videos spiritually related for my little one to watch. We go to the park and have picnics that have been prepared. It is not easy, but without alot of noise, I think he knows that I am trying to keep it. I have yet to even approach the holidays, the feasts nor the worldly ones issues with him. We are going this one step at a time.

The pork or unclean foods is not an issue, I don't buy it or provide it at the table, and my meals are such a nice variety with what I put together that they don't even miss it.

Would love to be surrounded with others who were keeping the sabbath and the feasts, that it would be easier to keep it. But alas, isolated....just me, and I am have only my little girl who has shown any interest.

It is a narrow and few travel this path. I know it will get worse, and I wish I was stronger to be defiently doing the Godly things....but instead I am trying to find balance with out compromise.

[debi b]

I got some pretty negative reactions initially (if they could see me now ^_^ ).

I have learned to be more graceful in my presentation over the years ....

[AlikhnKwizad]

My parents (who are gentile) didn't have much of a problem with it- they just wanted to know the thought process behind my descisions. I explained, and they are ok with it.

My husband's parents (his dad genetically Jewish, and his mom a gentile) just about flipped out. My DH's mom called her mom for 'support'... they thought I had gotten my husband into a cult... they critisized us for our dietary changes, our not celebrating the 'christian' holidays... said we were going back under the law... told my husband he was not Jewish... didn't want us to name our child Judah... We were just polite, but held our ground.

It was more difficult for my husband to make the transition. His parents were (and still are to some degree) very manipulative. Put him on a major guilt trip. My DH is not a confrontational person, so he tried to avoid the subject as much as possible.

I, however, don't have a problem with confrontation. Let's put everything on the table- hold it up to scripture- examin it- and act on what you feel the Spirit is calling you to do. I was ready with scripture, and did not condemn his parents for their position.

I believe the resistance was spiritually (demonically) influenced. There is a strugle within his dad over masonry and his Jewish herritage... probably some family curse. So, when I talk with his parents and they start to critisize I seperate his parents from the demonic influece that they may be under. I don't take it personally. His mom avoids the topic when I am in the room now because I am not a shy nonconfrontational person, and she is. She is passive-agressive... and I am just agressive-agressive. (:) haha)

His dad, on the other hand, wants to know more about his Jewish heritage. He keeps asking me if his grandparents (Jews from CA) are in heaven. (His grandmother made him get out of the car and threatened to make him walk home when he told her he 'got saved' as a kid.) Every time the topic comes up he gets tears in his eyes. He really strugles with understanding his own identity. His wife is not supportive of the Jewish aspect of his heritage.

His parents talked with some people in their church about the MJ thing... and since those people said it was ok, then they have not been as critical.

We don't celebrate Christmas and Easter in our home. We visit family during that time, but we don't participate in things like an egg hunt, etc. Everyone is aware of our personal convictions. We don't make a big deal about it. My DH side of the family still does things that are a bit anoying (they gave my son a rabbit for his "first Easter" and a bib that says "my first christmas")... At some point I will have to talk with the individuals privately and kindly ask they refrain from giving my son things with those holiday themes. So far we have just put those things away and plan to give them to charity.

[insaneinthebrain]

Being honest with myself, it dawned on me that part of me wanted to believe we didn't have to follow the law because I didn't want to give up pork and seafood.I can't count the number of times I've been around Christian discussions of how glad they are to be free from the law, only to have the most significant contribution to the discussion be something along the lines of, "I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't have bacon for breakfast!"

[Talmidah]

When you started following the Torah - like celebrating the feasts instead of other holidays, changing the way you eat, etc., was your family supportive or not?
I stopped eating pork in high school (the only seafood I’ve ever had in my life has been salmon and tuna, so that wasn’t an issue). My parents didn’t think anything about it because, a couple of years before that I had become vegetarian after attending a Paul McCartney concert and getting his wife’s cookbook. The vegetarianism only lasted about a year, so when I ‘officially’ gave up pork, they though it was a phase. And besides that, they have never put any importance on what food one does, or does not, eat. However when my children and I became ‘rabbinically’ kosher, my mom was displeased because she thought it was going too far.



As for holidays, it wasn’t that much of a problem because my family always celebrated these holidays very secularly…they weren’t really religious in nature except for the Christmas music in the background ;). But my mom became a Christian when my son was a baby and so these holidays took on a whole new meaning for her. When I insisted that we would not be observing them, she was very hurt. However, we do go to my family’s house on that day and my children to accept gifts from family. My children understand that while we do not observe that day as any different from any other, we do honor my parents and grandparents and accept to spend time with them and accept their gifts.



My husband’s family is big time into pork (being Mexican, they make lots of foods with pork, as well as use manteca in cooking and making tortillas). When we go to their homes, we will either take foods that we can eat or will eat only vegetables and fruit (even their beans and rice are cooked with pork). They think we are strange and probably talk behind our backs, but…oh well J

[debi b]

I really enjoy mexican food, and chinese also. But I make them at home :D Just try to find something on the menu in a chinese resturant :eek:

[mjterry87]

Well, starting in December I will have been into Messianic Judaism for about 8 months, not very long, but in this time I have changed so much! I can read and write in Hebrew, I try very hard to eat Kosher, and basically changed all things about me to fit a MessianicJewish lifestyle. In public, and at school, I identify myself as just a Jew (because I am a Jew by blood), a little lie, but it sure does save a whole lot of criticism from people I rarley see! Although with my family, only my parents know about my MJism. My mom is somewhat supportive, and my father accepts it. They both are kind of tollerent, but in some ways not at all. My grandmother does not know at all, and if she did she would probily disown me. You see she has been going to the Church of Christ every Sunday for the past 70 years, and thinks that anyone who is not in the COC, espically at the one she goes to, is not going to be saved! She is one of those old people who think that they are the only right ones, and everyone else it wrong. Anyways yesterday she asked me why I haven't been going to church lately, and I just said that I need to get back into the habbit of it, and she told me that it is important. She thinks that I am going away form Adoni, but I am actully 100 times closer to him now that I am a Messianic than a Christian going to her church. Anyways I am babbling, but when it comes to the holidays I plan to celebrate Chanucka (I did not spell that right) in my room, by myself, and any other holiday that comes along. I am celebrating Christmas, but in a purley secular way, and just because this year has been a bit hard on my family and the holidays take away a lot of stress. However when I move out in about 2 years it is bye bye to peganism and hello to Messianic Judaism.

Shalom :wave:
Michael

[mjterry87]

I really enjoy mexican food, and chinese also. But I make them at home :D Just try to find something on the menu in a chinese resturant :eek:
I do to, but I don't eat them at home! :blush:

[debi b]

I do to, but I don't eat them at home! :blush:

I have reworked many a recipe :) I just recently got green chile rellenos to work :yum:

[chunkofcoal]

I don't know where to start! Thank you all for your words, your advice, for sharing your experiences.

I will share that my husband did the grocery shopping last night and bought a couple of pizzas and instead of him buying what I used to eat - a combo with pepperoni and sausage, he bought me a pizza with two cheeses. A glimmer of hope! I know he really doesn't understand what's going on with me, but this makes me feel like he might be willing to discuss it. I am going to discuss everything with him before the Saturday family get together. Christmas is going to be a sticky issue, but I figured it's better we talk about it and argue, if we are going to, at home instead of at his parents' house.
About the family gathering - I emailed my mother-in-law and told her that I won't be partaking of the sausage and kraut and so I would just enjoy the side dishes. I also offered to bring another dish, or a veggie tray or something.
I did think about this, that it is going to be on the Sabbath, but family is a part of that, too. I think it bothered me because it is quite a long drive to their place, but I realized that if they lived across the street, I wouldn't have hesitated to go.
A lot of things went through my mind about this - honor your father and mother - they are my husband's parents, my in-laws; love your neighbor as yourself; and Leviticus 19:32 - "Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honor the face of an old man, and fear thy God: I am the Lord." That is about respecting one's elders, and I think I'll be doing that by going to this dinner. I think part of learning the Law, or having the Law written on your heart, is about learning good judgment.

Thanks again to all of you!

[Torah]

Now! we all understand what Yeshua was speaking of in Matthew 10:34-38.
;)

[chunkofcoal]

Now! we all understand what Yeshua was speaking of in Matthew 10:34-38.
;)
Oh, Yes. I have thought about that, too. Yeshua is a man of His word. ;)

[Henaynei]

My husband's family, yes, they are Jewish; my family, no, they are secular humanists/agnostics/unitarians

[Ahavah]

my family, no, they are secular humanists/agnostics/unitarianswow....sounds like my in-laws;) My family however is very..hmmmm...charismatic/pentacostal christians. Fun..Fun..fun...and they don't agree with alot of my beliefs..but O'well. They hope that some day..I will return to the "church" and "get on fire again for jesus". Happy Chanukah everyone:thumbsup: Just me..Ahavah

[visionary]

I have a lot less trouble out of my atheist family than I do out of the Baptist - x - Luthren hubby side. My atheist side may tease me, but they do make the effort to accomodate my beliefs. My hubby side have contention where it pertains to theirs and my differences of understanding of what scripture means. It grates closer to the heart there.

[chunkofcoal]

Thought I'd let you all know how things went with the family get-together... In addition to the pork and sauerkraut, my mother-in-law served some roasted turkey slices, and she cooked some of the sauerkraut without pork - which she decided to eat, too.
Then came the gifts - my in-laws are going to spend the winter in a warmer climate, and they are leaving at the end of the month. Fearing the weather will get bad (we all live some distance from them), and they wouldn't have a chance to see everyone before they left, they handed out gifts for everyone to take home - me included. My mother-in-law said they can be "Happy Holidays" or "Happy New Year" gifts for me instead of Christmas gifts.
As for me and my husband discussing things - he doesn't agree with my not eating pork, and as for Christmas - he won't discuss it.
So, one day at a time, I guess.... :sigh:

[Henaynei]

Thought I'd let you all know how things went with the family get-together... In addition to the pork and sauerkraut, my mother-in-law served some roasted turkey slices, and she cooked some of the sauerkraut without pork - which she decided to eat, too.
Then came the gifts - my in-laws are going to spend the winter in a warmer climate, and they are leaving at the end of the month. Fearing the weather will get bad (we all live some distance from them), and they wouldn't have a chance to see everyone before they left, they handed out gifts for everyone to take home - me included. My mother-in-law said they can be "Happy Holidays" or "Happy New Year" gifts for me instead of Christmas gifts.
As for me and my husband discussing things - he doesn't agree with my not eating pork, and as for Christmas - he won't discuss it.
So, one day at a time, I guess.... :sigh:actually I'd say that went very well - you mum-in-luv is a great woman!! I hope you appreciate her ;)

[chunkofcoal]

It didn't go too bad. And, yes, I do appreciate my mother-in-law. :)