Should a Baptist Marry outside his denomination?

[C.I. Scofield]

Hi Guys and Gals,


Here's a question I've always pondered. and I wanted to get some other opinions. Should a Calvinist Baptist, like myself, marry someone outside his denomination or even Church? My parents did, Dad is Holiness and Mom is Baptist. Believe it or not, there wasn't much confusion in my house. I found Jesus on my own. at the Christian School I attended. However, when I was 14, I left the baptist faith and started in a Pentecostal Church. however, after 9 years solid in that, backsliding, and then coming back to the Lord. I found myself questioning their beliefs and after much prayer, and study, I found myself wanting out of Pentecostalism... My question is, could all of this have been prevented, had my mother married a fine Baptist man?

and in relation to me, Do I want my kids to go through that? Should I just marry someone who's in the same ballpark as me, or find someone of a different belief system?

I guess what I am trying to ask here, is should I force my beliefs on my kids, or let them come to Christ like I did???

Just wonderin' and wanting others opinions and thoughts...

CI Scofield
A Very Handsome 32 year old Single baptist man... woo woo! ^_^

[AJ]

Great questions! I would venture to say that a marriage of two Christians of different demonations could definately work... I personally believe that the husband should be the spiritual leader of the household. It would be difficult if both husband and wife did not attend the same church... But I guess it could work.

As for forcing your beliefs on your children... I believe that parents do have a responsibility to raise their children in a loving enviroment that includes teaching them about Christ. Ultimately it will be your childs own decision to grow in their faith... But how a family molds the child will have far reaching effects. Everything you do (good and bad) will have an effect on your kids.

[rural_preacher]

My question is, could all of this have been prevented, had my mother married a fine Baptist man?
It would definitely have been prevented!! If your mom had married someone else you wouldn't exist! You are the product of your two parents. :D

No family is perfect. Praise God both of your parents are believers and so are you!

When seeking a wife, your first priority should be marrying the woman God wants you to marry...not marrying a woman of a particular church. I believe when we submit ourselves to His perfect will and consistently walk with the Spirit in obedience to the Word, God will bring us together with the spouse He desires for us.

I know that sounds oversimplified, but my wife and I are together by divine orchestration...nothing of our fleshly effort whatsoever.

Praise God! :clap:

[C.I. Scofield]

It would definitely have been prevented!! If your mom had married someone else you wouldn't exist! You are the product of your two parents. :D

No family is perfect. Praise God both of your parents are believers and so are you!

When seeking a wife, your first priority should be marrying the woman God wants you to marry...not marrying a woman of a particular church. I believe when we submit ourselves to His perfect will and consistently walk with the Spirit in obedience to the Word, God will bring us together with the spouse He desires for us.

I know that sounds oversimplified, but my wife and I are together by divine orchestration...nothing of our fleshly effort whatsoever.

Praise God! :clap:

You know, as much as I hate to admit it. I have to agree... however, in one aspect, I disagree... I wouldn't want my Children being confused by one teaching and then hearing something else.. So, maybe I will just stick to finding me a Calvinist/Baptist wife. :)

CI...

[AJ]

I came across this while working on my Bible study for church tonight and thought I would post it here....
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from themThis principle is at the heart of every good parenting principle. The verb "train" means to dedicate, and the word for "way" generally refers to living correctly in God's sight. Soloman was advising parents to set their children aside for special use, to dedicate him or her to the Lord and His path. Stimulate the child to do good, through guidance, discipline and encouragement on the right path. A parents main task is to receive a child as a charge from the Lord and then to dedicate the guild to God's ways.

God promises to enable parents for the task, not to make decisions for the child. Each generation is resonsible for it's own relationship to God. This proverb remains wise advice for every parent.

Lessons learned in childhood will last a lifetime...

[daveleau]

Hi Guys and Gals,


Here's a question I've always pondered. and I wanted to get some other opinions. Should a Calvinist Baptist, like myself, marry someone outside his denomination or even Church? My parents did, Dad is Holiness and Mom is Baptist. Believe it or not, there wasn't much confusion in my house. I found Jesus on my own. at the Christian School I attended. However, when I was 14, I left the baptist faith and started in a Pentecostal Church. however, after 9 years solid in that, backsliding, and then coming back to the Lord. I found myself questioning their beliefs and after much prayer, and study, I found myself wanting out of Pentecostalism... My question is, could all of this have been prevented, had my mother married a fine Baptist man?

and in relation to me, Do I want my kids to go through that? Should I just marry someone who's in the same ballpark as me, or find someone of a different belief system?

I guess what I am trying to ask here, is should I force my beliefs on my kids, or let them come to Christ like I did???

Just wonderin' and wanting others opinions and thoughts...

CI Scofield
A Very Handsome 32 year old Single baptist man... woo woo! ^_^


Scripture only says not to be unequally yoked. It doesn't say that each has to be of equal minds when it comes to man-made theologies. No, she would not have to be in that same small niche. Just make sure she's Christian and that she was the one meant for you by God, learn from her and she will learn from you.

[eutychus]

I think whoever you marry should be willing to follow your lead spiritually, going along with the whole "you're the shepherd of your household" bit, including theologically.

Besides...why wouldn't you want to marry a Calvinist Baptist? :yum:

[labellady]

I think as long as she is christian it would be okay. I also feel that the husband is the spiritual leader of the family. But sometimes that doesn't work out. I have a friend who goes to one church and the hubby goes to another. She takes the older children to hers and he takes the younger to his. Now I can hear the objections already, but in this situation it is working out. The hubby's church didn't have anything for the youth and her church does. If you don't keep the youth in church, you won't have any youth. This probably confused you even more, sorry. Good luck and God bless!

[Crazy Liz]

You know, as much as I hate to admit it. I have to agree... however, in one aspect, I disagree... I wouldn't want my Children being confused by one teaching and then hearing something else.. So, maybe I will just stick to finding me a Calvinist/Baptist wife. :)

That may work out well for you, but in my experience, whatever your parents did that you vow not to do, you will tend to overcompensate in the other direction. For example, you don't want to confuse your children by seeing a mom & dad who disagree, and being allowed to choose a completely different, third option as a teen. One way to overcompensate is to insist too strongly on agreement on everything, and not teach your children any skills in thinking for themselves, tolerance, or conflict management.

All parents do this kind of thing sometimes. But it really does tend to mess up kids just as much as what you are trying to avoid. Try resolving your own issues before you choose a spouse and have kids.

[Crazy Liz]

Besides, even if you and your wife agree on everything when you get married, one or both of you will change, so you still won't always agree. ;)

[Joshua Howard]

I'm holiness in personal belief, and granted, a bit young to reply to a post of said tenor. But even so, I shall, so bear with me if you will. :)

For one, I would contest as to how two can be joined as one, yet agree to disagree in light of a matter so weighty as this...

...Secondly, and more pointedly, even if the parents somehow manage to live in silent disagreement, they in effect nullify all chance for the provision of stable teaching in light of the scriptures. If there is one thing a child needs, it is a stable source of Christian understanding; should such not be available, he or she is being lined up for disaster, and will be shipwrecked unless the grace of almighty God steps in to the rescue.

Bottom line, if you're a baptist, I won't argue with you over that though I may disagree with you somewhere along way - - But from the vantage point of a teenager who scarce has escaped the spiritual disaster created by doctrinal disrest within the family circle, I proclaim stedfastly that a united home is of utmost importance both to God and to the offspring thereof. ...And such are my two cents...

In Christ Jesus,

Josh

[C.I. Scofield]

I think whoever you marry should be willing to follow your lead spiritually, going along with the whole "you're the shepherd of your household" bit, including theologically.

Besides...why wouldn't you want to marry a Calvinist Baptist? :yum:

^_^ If you were about 10 years older, I'd look you up! :D


CIS

[C.I. Scofield]

But from the vantage point of a teenager who scarce has escaped the spiritual disaster created by doctrinal disrest within the family circle, I proclaim stedfastly that a united home is of utmost importance both to God and to the offspring thereof. ...And such are my two cents...

In Christ Jesus,

Josh

Josh,


you had the nail right on the head buddy! :thumbsup:

A house of unity is a peaceful one...

This is why I am not marrying outside my denomination or belief system! :thumbsup:

CIS

:)

[mesue]

My question is, could all of this have been prevented, had my mother married a fine Baptist man?


No, you backslid by choice.
There are a lot of people that grow up in Christian homes that turn away from their faith.
There are a lot of people that grow up in non-Christian homes that come to know Jesus Christ as Savior.
Why?
Because they made a chioce.

[C.I. Scofield]

No, you backslid by choice.
There are a lot of people that grow up in Christian homes that turn away from their faith.
There are a lot of people that grow up in non-Christian homes that come to know Jesus Christ as Savior.
Why?
Because they made a chioce.

Agreed. I did backslide by choice. But there were some people who called themselves "Christians" who pushed me away from serving God. I don't blame them, but I will say. I never stopped loving God, But I did stop loving his people, or people who claimed to know him. in my situation, I was busy doing the things of the Lord, and had grown cold in my heart. I stopped reading daily. and as of a result, I did develop a bit of nasty attitude. however, the reason I was booted from the music ministry and why to this day, I am not very fond of the lady who did this, the woman's daughter, Who, at one point, I had a crush on, told mommy dearest, "as long as HE'S playing drums, I ain't singing back up!" and mommy dearest, who was in charge of that ministry, got rid of me... this was the beginning of my unravling... I forgive them. But I never forget, and I learned from that. I will never again allow myself into the situation. I will never allow a WOMAN to assume authority over me, in a Church situation. It's Unscriptural. End of story.

So, I agree, I did backslide by Choice, But the person that triggered it, held the door open, while I walked out on the Lord.


IMHO, Of course...

CIS

[RED that's ME]

We first are christians but the denominations/faith we choose is what we believe is nearest to what the Bible teaches.

With that being said I don't see how a couple can marry having something as important as spiritual beliefs/doctrine that differs especially having children it can cause them to doubt many things.

A couple are individuals that do think different on some subjects but the main things they should agree on such as religion.
It can effect even the everyday part of life like some faiths have food restrictions (Kosher, Halal or vegetarian food) dress, loss of relationships to extended family and friends because of the different faith even down to the Christmas tree, crucifixes, statues and icons, mezuzah on the doorpost perhaps, or a palm cross over the mantelpiece couples can argue even over things such as those. Some faiths require that the children be brought up in their faith. It might not be a problem up front but can change.

Too many people don't trust God enough to give the right person to them and they make choices on their own and have to suffer the consequences of their choice. God know what is best and your heart and we need to seek his perfect choice for spouses.

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[aReformedPatriot]

It seems like a good idea to me (staying confined) just to save the hassel. I do believe that a husband and wife can disagree on certain things without harming the marriage so unless she's on the Jesus is an angel track, shes ok in my book. I Also believe its essential that the man be the spiritual leader of the house, and guide them as they seek God's will. Something that seems to be totally lacking in the church.

[mesue]

Agreed. I did backslide by choice. But there were some people who called themselves "Christians" who pushed me away from serving God. I don't blame them, but I will say. I never stopped loving God, But I did stop loving his people, or people who claimed to know him. in my situation, I was busy doing the things of the Lord, and had grown cold in my heart. I stopped reading daily. and as of a result, I did develop a bit of nasty attitude. however, the reason I was booted from the music ministry and why to this day, I am not very fond of the lady who did this, the woman's daughter, Who, at one point, I had a crush on, told mommy dearest, "as long as HE'S playing drums, I ain't singing back up!" and mommy dearest, who was in charge of that ministry, got rid of me... this was the beginning of my unravling... I forgive them. But I never forget, and I learned from that. I will never again allow myself into the situation. I will never allow a WOMAN to assume authority over me, in a Church situation. It's Unscriptural. End of story.

So, I agree, I did backslide by Choice, But the person that triggered it, held the door open, while I walked out on the Lord.


IMHO, Of course...

CISagain, by choice. It is up to you whom you choose to listen to. May I humbly suggest you let the Bible be your only source of authority?
There are many woman leaders in the church. CF is part of the church (most of it is) I am in authority, I'm a woman. Are you saying you have issue with that?
Ephesians 5:21 came before vs 22 for a very good reason. Just as you should be comfortable and trusting in the Lord in your unmarried state before your can be married, you have to be comfortable in your submissiveness to the Lord. IMHO you seem to have a legalistic point of view regarding a woman's role in the church. I am called to be submissive to the (my) man not men. The man is my husband. And it is him whom I submitt to, but he has to love me as Christ loved the church. And he does. I submitt to him because the Lord said to and he's easy to submitt to because I trust in his love for me. He would never treat me worse than he would his own self. You have no authority over me just by virtue of being a man, unless you are my husband, decaon or pastor, or my boss at work.

[rural_preacher]

again, by choice. It is up to you whom you choose to listen to. May I humbly suggest you let the Bible be your only source of authority?
There are many woman leaders in the church. CF is part of the church (most of it is) I am in authority, I'm a woman. Are you saying you have issue with that?
Ephesians 5:21 came before vs 22 for a very good reason. Just as you should be comfortable and trusting in the Lord in your unmarried state before your can be married, you have to be comfortable in your submissiveness to the Lord. IMHO you seem to have a legalistic point of view regarding a woman's role in the church. I am called to be submissive to the (my) man not men. The man is my husband. And it is him whom I submitt to, but he has to love me as Christ loved the church. And he does. I submitt to him because the Lord said to and he's easy to submitt to because I trust in his love for me. He would never treat me worse than he would his own self. You have no authority over me just by virtue of being a man, unless you are my husband, decaon or pastor, or my boss at work.
:amen:





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[ZiSunka]

My mom was Catholic and my dad Presbyterian, and we had spiritual peace in our house. My mom and dad never had arguments over spiritual issues and you can't really get more different in Christian circles than that. Peace is a product of love and dedication within the household, not a product of agreeing on everything.

And I think this questions illustrates the danger of seeing yourself as a particular denomination and not as a Christian who goes to a particular kind of church. Denominations are man-made labels and divisions, not God-made ones. God loves unity in the Body, not divisions. As long as your spouse is a commited born-again Christian who is willing to give you the love and respect necessary to make a permanent marriage, then what difference does it make what church they grew up in?

[eutychus]

Ephesians 5:21 came before vs 22 for a very good reason. Just as you should be comfortable and trusting in the Lord in your unmarried state before your can be married, you have to be comfortable in your submissiveness to the Lord. IMHO you seem to have a legalistic point of view regarding a woman's role in the church. I am called to be submissive to the (my) man not men. The man is my husband. And it is him whom I submitt to, but he has to love me as Christ loved the church.

Very good for differenciating! That's also what Titus 2 says, that women are to be submissive only to their husbands in that fashion. There are a lot of legalists who completely misread that text to think all women should (this is an exagerration) not even meet eyes with men.

However...
1 Timothy 2:12, "But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet."

Also, it depends what kind of authority. For instance, I know women's ministry leaders in my church who have more pull than the male laity, and that's understandable. But biblically, it's referring to who is shepherding whom; women are not to shepherd men in a church setting, and should instead allow the men to lead without usurping them. This is a demonstration of submission to the men authoritative over our lives (husbands, fathers), as stated in v. 11. This follows, as God creates institutions such as marriages, families, the Church, to where each body has a head: the husband, the father, and Jesus, respectively.