I feel lost with my faith

[sweeps]

I'll try to make it short. Over the last 2 1/2 years I have found jesus and kind of lost him in my life. My wife and I attended "Alpha" class and enjoyed it very much but soon after life took a downward spiral. We had lost 3 babies due to miscarriages since 99 and it took a toll on us. It actually pushed us apart and she ended up having a year long affair in 2003. We went to counseling and saw our minister which helped. We are together and all is pretty good but I feel a disconnection to god. We have not gone to church in some time. Basically because of the other mans family goes there. Im not afraid to go but it is uncomfortable to say the least. I prayed alot during that time and I literally met the enemy face to face without raising a fist. I felt him to be an evil person. A real user of people. He enjoyed the challenge I truely believe, but I felt a certain power in mentally fighting him and showing him how low of a human being he is.
Now when I pray w/ my daughter at night(only 3-4 times a week really) I feel a doubt in my chest. Like Im just praying for her sake and I wonder if it is all real. As if we need it because its to hard to realize this is life. I hate saying that, ya know. I want to believe. I really do. I read passages in the bible and I find myself doubting the words though. I remember the feeling of crying and on my knees before the whole affair became known. My wife and I were roommates at best and the lost feeling was only filled by praying. I felt a definate connection then. Like GOD had my back and lifted me thru the worst time of my life. Was I attacked because I had gone thru Alpha and was a believer? Is evil really out there in the world like that? Finding a way to break us? It sounds like a bad horror movie, ya know?
I know Im rambling on but it just seems weird. Am i selfish now? I really want GOD it be part of my life again but I keep doubting him. Any advise would be appreciated.
Thx,
Bill

[bshaw96]

:hug: Wow, you've been through so much! I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your children. I too have lost 3 children, so understand your pain. I have not experienced the pain of adultery, but my husband and I did have 2 painful separations, almost divorce, before finally getting it together. Your family is under demonic attack. It began when you decided to follow Jesus. I can look back at the day I told God I wanted Him to take control over every area of my life. It was like immediately things started going downhill, fast! Satan's plan is to take your eyes off of God and put them on your circumstances so that you will not experience what God has for you. The key is to not let him. I have learned to take all bad things that come my way as a good thing. It is a sign I am doing something right and the enemy is feeling seriously threatened. Family attacks are a big weapon satan uses. If he can divide you and your wife, not only has he harmed your walk with God, but also hers, and then the lives of your children. If not dealt with, your children will carry issues into their adult lives and it becomes neverending. Get mad with the devil and tell him who your God is! I also know the feeling of doubt. Wondering if He's even there. But in my spirit, I knew he was. All Christians face this, another tactic of the enemy. Take heart, even Jesus felt abandoned by God while on the cross! He cried out asking why he had forsaken Him. Surely if Jesus in His human body can doubt, we can in our weak bodies! Just hold on and don't let go. Don't worry about what you "feel" like when you pray. God sees your heart, and He knows you are desparately seeking Him. But you see, He hasn't gone anywhere. You have. You are searching frantically for Him, but He's right where He's always been. But your "vision" is obstructed by all that has taken place in your life. Give it to Him, just let it all out. Talk to Him like you just talked to us in this message. I have had prayers where I said "God, I am doubting if you're even there, much less listening. I feel like Im the one exception to your unconditional love. I want to believe you're there, but I feel nothing! Do you even hear me???." Then, if I felt nothing, Id get mad at Him and Id tell Him so! He let me rant and rave like this for awhile just like we do our own children ;) . Then, slowly, He began to open my eyes to Him. It's OK to tell Him what you're feeling, doubt and anger and all. He already knows it, so you may as well just get it out and deal with it together, instead of holding it in. I can't tell you what release I used to feel when I just got it all out! You have been through so much, your entire family has. But God makes all things new. He can turn all of this into an awesome testimony. And God is not mad at you or punishing you for anything. God does not condemn us. Once you have repented of sin, let it go, He does! I have asked God to show Himself to you right now in your situation. Just be still and know that He is God. You are so precious to Him and He wants you to be filled with peace and joy. God bless!

Psalm 34: 17, 19 Yes, the Lord hears the good man when ne calls to him for help, and saves him out of ALL of his troubles. The good man does not escape all troubles , he has them too. But the Lord helps him in EACH AND EVERY ONE.

Psalm 40 1-3 I waited patiently for God to help me; then He listened and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out from the bog and the mire, and set my feet on a hard, firm path and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, of praises to our God. Now many will hear of the glorious things He did for me, and stand in awe before the Lord and put their trust in Him.

Jeremiah 29: 11-13 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not evil, to give you future and a hope. In those days, when you pray, I WILL listen. You WILL find me when you seek me, if you look for me in earnest.

[sweeps]

Thanks for the prayer and advice. It helps alot. I really like this: Jeremiah 29: 11-13 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not evil, to give you future and a hope. In those days, when you pray, I WILL listen. You WILL find me when you seek me, if you look for me in earnest.

Thx,
Bill

[plmarquette]

one step at a time .... one answered prayer .... one bigger step ...
Psalm 118.5 = " daddy fix it " ... as earthly father fixed GI Joe's , chains on bike , flat tires , as mom fixed scrapes , cuts , boo-boo's ...

It is hard to consider a benevolent God or a malevolent devil ....
who will attack wife , husband ,kids , family , friends to get you to walk away from
the only solution to every problem .... faith , hope , love , Jesus

there are some good articles on www.cfaith.com (http://www.cfaith.com) that might help

paul

[The Lord is my banner]

I'll try to make it short. Over the last 2 1/2 years I have found jesus and kind of lost him in my life. My wife and I attended "Alpha" class and enjoyed it very much but soon after life took a downward spiral. We had lost 3 babies due to miscarriages since 99 and it took a toll on us. It actually pushed us apart and she ended up having a year long affair in 2003. We went to counseling and saw our minister which helped. We are together and all is pretty good but I feel a disconnection to god. We have not gone to church in some time. Basically because of the other mans family goes there. Im not afraid to go but it is uncomfortable to say the least. I prayed alot during that time and I literally met the enemy face to face without raising a fist. I felt him to be an evil person. A real user of people. He enjoyed the challenge I truely believe, but I felt a certain power in mentally fighting him and showing him how low of a human being he is.
Now when I pray w/ my daughter at night(only 3-4 times a week really) I feel a doubt in my chest. Like Im just praying for her sake and I wonder if it is all real. As if we need it because its to hard to realize this is life. I hate saying that, ya know. I want to believe. I really do. I read passages in the bible and I find myself doubting the words though. I remember the feeling of crying and on my knees before the whole affair became known. My wife and I were roommates at best and the lost feeling was only filled by praying. I felt a definate connection then. Like GOD had my back and lifted me thru the worst time of my life. Was I attacked because I had gone thru Alpha and was a believer? Is evil really out there in the world like that? Finding a way to break us? It sounds like a bad horror movie, ya know?
I know Im rambling on but it just seems weird. Am i selfish now? I really want GOD it be part of my life again but I keep doubting him. Any advise would be appreciated.
Thx,
Bill

Dear Bill,

that's so sad to have lost 3 babies. I'm sorry to hear you've had so much grief in your lives.

I'm glad your pastor was helpful. Do you still feel able to approach this man for further help, even though not attending his church currently?

One thing which I feel may be important here is forgiveness. When I harboured blame in my heart I found that my relationship with God suffered.
I needed Christian friends to gently lead me to forgive for the past in order to move forward.

God tells us we must forgive those who hurt us, and that's really hard sometimes, but essential in order to be right with God and to allow His healing into the painful area. It's not optional.

Matt. 6:9-15 Jesus says:

This, then, is how you should pray:
Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

You may need to come before God and tell Him you are choosing His way - forgiving your wife and the man concerned.

It usually helps a lot when a person who hurt you is sorry and asks forgiveness, but even if they don't, we still have to forgive.
(Maybe your pastor needs to talk to the man about true repentance.)

The pain may remain for a time, but the immensity of the burden will be lifted, you will be right with God, and the healing can begin.

Then you need to be in a church which helps you both along at this difficult time. Ideally you should be able to go back to this one, but if the man is unrepentant and constantly unsettles you, maybe a move for their fa,ily or yours is the best thing.

I hope you find the strength and support you need to forgive.
Ask your pastor about this if it strikes a chord in your heart.

God bless you both, Susana

[BlackPanther]

Everyone goes through doubts my friend. Trust that God will get you through it. Perhaps your faith will become stronger from this trial. Keep praying and trust in the Lord. :)

[Radagast]

Will pray for you. :prayer:

You do need to go to church -- have you tried a different church?

-- Radagast

[issa]

just remember, God never wastes a hurt.