Finally giving it all up

[n u l l g a l]

I've been having a hard time with putting all my faith in the Lord; and trusting that He will take care of me and all my crazy problems. But after talking to my aunt in law, I've come to realize that I am not in control and I dont' need to be in control. My cat just licked my toe and I'm thrilled about it. I'm thrilled about everything. I honestly feel like I've started over.

[Beowulf]

You did start over.
We can not live the "christian life". But Christ can.
He lives through us when we surrender to him. Our lives are His, not ours. The decisions He makes are not our responsibilty but His. Therein lies the freedom in Christ. The good works we do aren't ours, but His for without Him we can do no good. When we try to live the "christian life" on our own thinking we can handle it we no longer rely on Christ, but ourselves. When we fail we wonder why. The guilt for failure testifies of this.
Your new life is Him living the "christian life" through you, not "of you" but "in you", in spite of yourself.