Surrogacy?

[By Grace]

This is a spin-off of Nossa's thread about IVF and AI.

What do you think about surrogacy? I have been considering serving as a surrogate mom for a couple who can't conceive their own kids, but who would like to adopt a frozen embryo left over from another couple. There are so many little ones out there who are left in a frozen test tube with little to no chance at life. I keep thinking maybe I could give them a chance, by serving as a sort of foster parent until they're big enough to go live with another family who can't have their own children.

I wouldn't be participating in their conception--they're already conceived. I would just nurture them for a while. Wouldn't that be better than being destroyed, or used for research?

[Katydid]

I personally believe that it is a wonderful thing for people to be surrogates. I also believe that IVF is not wrong. But, I think just as Zayit is against IVF and I am for it, that you have to pray and see where you are led to go. I don't think this is a decision that anyone else can make for you. I know you were asking for opinions, I just don't want anyone to make you feel that you are wrong, unless you are truly feeling convicted that they are speaking the truth.

[visionary]

Your heart is larger than most can conceive, I personally would have a problem giving a little one up that I had in my womb for nine months. I got nine months to know my little ones before they were born, and to give them up after would have been too much for me. That special time in the womb, I do not know how you can detach yourself from the bonding that occurs then. More power to you.

[Sephania]

Isn't there still fallout from the Baby M controversy/case? Last I heard this poor girl was very confused. There was a lot of pain for every one involved.

Also let me ask you if you know who this baby will go to? Are you aware that many gay men couples seek this way to have a child? Would you want to be a part of that?

You may want to read this Sacred Bond (http://www.wakeup.org/anadolu/05/4/book.html)

This is very pertinent regarding the feelings of the child as well, this from the Baby M court case.

It (Court) noted that the child would be impacted when it learned that her life was bought, that she is the offspring of someone who gave birth to her only to obtain money.

Some serious things to consider.

[By Grace]

Z, thanks for the link. Trust me, I would be very careful in choosing a couple to be a surrogate for. I would want a couple who are strong believers and would cover the baby and the pregnancy in prayer. I would want a couple who would be willing and able to do only 2 embryos at a time, since I would not allow selective reduction. And there is an organization that arranges to have these embryos adopted, not sold. Adopting parents may have to pay existing storage fees and such, but the biological parents aren't making money off it.

I know it could be confusing to the child, but is that any worse than letting those children be destroyed or used for research? Or is it worse than a baby who spends the entire 9 months in the womb of a woman who resents its presence and never bonds to it hardly at all, perhaps even doing drugs and excessively using alcohol in the meantime? I'm not saying this is the ideal situation, but isn't it better than the alternatives for these kids? At least they'll get a healthy start, in the tummy of a woman who will pray for them every day of their embryonic/fetal lives. Is it all that different from a wet nurse, or some other loving, praying foster parent in a young baby's life? Sure, it would be better if they could be adopted by a family where the mom could carry them herself. But it's pretty unusual for a mom to be able to carry a child, yet not conceive one (through AI or IVF). Not that it's impossible that a couple might decide to adopt existing embryos rather than create their own. But I'm just looking at possibilities here that are better than some of the other options.

Anyway, thank you, everyone, for your input. I feel such a sense of compassion for these little ones, and I want to know what I can do. I guess I'm trying to find out if there's a spiritual/moral reason why I shouldn't do this. I really am asking if people think it's better for these little ones to die, than to be implanted in the womb of a "foster" mom, then be raised by yet a different couple. That's, essentially, 3 sets of parents for the child before it's even a day old!

TIA,