Where to go and What to do....

[Nossa-the-Lame]

Well hi everyone...again. Just when you think I stop, I keep on going. Well a new turn of events has come up in my life, and I always have the need to share it with people, I am an open book for the world i anyone would stop to take a look. Its kind of a long story, a little personal, and I quite frankly don't know what to do/who to ask. Maybe someone has a better answer than me, maybe not, hashem will guide me(and no this has nothing to do with my chemo treatment).

Some of you may know, and most probably don't, but I am adopted. My mother(the one I am living with, who I have known all my life) can not have children for some really weird reason. So, after many trial and tribulations she and my father(the dad I know and love, yet want to bonk at times) decided to go the adoption route. They adopted me a day or two after I was born. I was born in Conway, South Carolina, july 13th, 1984 @ 1:28 PM(don't know why I added that, I guess the small things you never knew mean something to you when you learn about it).

Anyways...I have known almost all my life I was adopted, my family told me when I was very young. I didn't/don't know anything about my biological parents. I was also told that in the state of SC you need to be at least 21 in order to search for your family, so I have been waiting. So here comes the very interesting thing that has happened within the past 48 hours. On Tuesday I was chatting with ILY(here from CF) and somehow I brought up me being adopted, and some other things, we tlaked mostly about the law and how I had to be 21. He said he was SC and that he didn't know that, etc. etc. and he told me to search the net to see if that was true. So I searched the net, I found the actual website to the SC government and saved some documents about adoptions and what not.

Since I am no lawyer, I couldn't understand any of the garble, but I had met over the internet a lawyer who was/is a good friend of mine. So I waited a day(he lives in NY, so 3 hours difference...) to talkto him, but I couldn't talk to him, his ex-step sis was using his computer. So I told her I was sending some files and if Rye(his nick name) could read them and explain them to me that would be great. She read them and asked me if I was planning on adopting a kid from SC, I said no, I was adopted there. She said she was too, which I couldn't believe. She then told me that you have to be 21 in order to go through the courts with a search, you can be any age to do public record searchs and what not. So, right after that I started a search, I got my mom to give me a copy of my birth certificate and I started. Later she asked me what I was doing with that, and I told her, she was supportive as always :)

So yesterday, before I did anything productive(in any aspect) I ate some lunch with her, we started to chat about what I was doing, and one thing led to another and she ended up telling me my mothers name, her approximate age, and some small tid bits! She also told me a little bit about my father, what little that was known about him. So now I am kinda taken a-back, and I am trying to search the net with anything that can give me a lead, I am quite scared, yet excited. I don't know what my next move is, and I don't know who to call, or what to ask...so I am here asking you guys, since your my new family addition. Thanks again everyone, sorry to keept throwing these things at you, life is....well life.

Shalom-
Nossa, aka Jason

[Sephania]

You were born on a friday, on the Hebrew calendar of Tammuz 13. Your Hebrew birthday in the coming years will be on the Roman cal.

Fri 02-Jul-2004 Wed 20-Jul-2005 Sun 09-Jul-2006 Fri 29-Jun-2007 Wed 16-Jul-2008 Sun 05-Jul-2009 Fri 25-Jun-2010 Fri 15-Jul-2011 Tue 03-Jul-2012 Fri 21-Jun-2013 Fri 11-Jul-2014
Now after reading your whole post may I suggest that before you do anymore that you guard your heart. Go to HaSHem in deep prayer about this, it could affect who you are from now on and the enemy will try to use this in any way he can so please protect yourself, ask for wisdom from HaShem, guidance and more wisdom, discerment.

Did your Mom happen to tell you if the woman that gave you up was Jewish or not?

[Nossa-the-Lame]

You were born on a friday, on the Hebrew calendar of Tammuz 13. Your Hebrew birthday in the coming years will be on the Roman cal.

Fri 02-Jul-2004 Wed 20-Jul-2005 Sun 09-Jul-2006 Fri 29-Jun-2007 Wed 16-Jul-2008 Sun 05-Jul-2009 Fri 25-Jun-2010 Fri 15-Jul-2011 Tue 03-Jul-2012 Fri 21-Jun-2013 Fri 11-Jul-2014
Now after reading your whole post may I suggest that before you do anymore that you guard your heart. Go to HaSHem in deep prayer about this, it could affect who you are from now on and the enemy will try to use this in any way he can so please protect yourself, ask for wisdom from HaShem, guidance and more wisdom, discerment.

Did your Mom happen to tell you if the woman that gave you up was Jewish or not?

The only thing I am mainly trying to find out is who/where/when/why about this whole situation. I know adonai has blessed me with a great family, and if I find out terrible things, I will have to accept it, and move on. If I meet my mother and father, if they want to be apart of my life, and me in theirs, thats fine, if not, I can live with that.

Thanks for the days Zayit, I am sure they will be helpful :) And no, she did not say if she was jewish or not, I am guessing maybe not, but I can always find out ;)

Right now I am puzzled, because they are both way different ages. My mother was 28, and my father was 18! Now does anyone have any ideas about that? I hav a few theories myself...

[By Grace]

I have a very good friend who was also adopted. She said she had decided to not even search for her biological parents b/c she was so happy with her adopted parents. To her, they are her parents, and no one else has any claim to that role in her life. Her brother, OTOH, (who is also adopted) decided he wanted to try to find his biological parents. He said it was mostly just curiosity.

So I guess I'm trying to figure out what kind of advice you're looking for. Do you want our opinions on whether or not you should keep looking? I guess that mostly depends on what your motivations are. I don't think it's a bad thing to do, but like Zayit said, do a lot of praying first, b/c it could potentially make a huge change in your life. Or it may not make any change at all, hardly, and you might have your expectations too high.

Or do you want opinions on how you should approach it? I would suggest being sensitive to your adopted parents, too, since they're the ones who raised you, and the ones you should be sure to honor. Did your mom tell you how she felt about your searching? Of course, that doesn't mean you need their permission. But I can imagine that if I had adopted a child, I might feel a little insecure if s/he started looking for the biological parents later. It sounds, though, like you have good parents and, IMO, they did the right thing telling you early on that you were adopted. It doesn't make you any less their child, and hopefully you and they both are secure in that relationship.

Let us know how it goes!

[Nossa-the-Lame]

I have a very good friend who was also adopted. She said she had decided to not even search for her biological parents b/c she was so happy with her adopted parents. To her, they are her parents, and no one else has any claim to that role in her life. Her brother, OTOH, (who is also adopted) decided he wanted to try to find his biological parents. He said it was mostly just curiosity.

So I guess I'm trying to figure out what kind of advice you're looking for. Do you want our opinions on whether or not you should keep looking? I guess that mostly depends on what your motivations are. I don't think it's a bad thing to do, but like Zayit said, do a lot of praying first, b/c it could potentially make a huge change in your life. Or it may not make any change at all, hardly, and you might have your expectations too high.

Or do you want opinions on how you should approach it? I would suggest being sensitive to your adopted parents, too, since they're the ones who raised you, and the ones you should be sure to honor. Did your mom tell you how she felt about your searching? Of course, that doesn't mean you need their permission. But I can imagine that if I had adopted a child, I might feel a little insecure if s/he started looking for the biological parents later. It sounds, though, like you have good parents and, IMO, they did the right thing telling you early on that you were adopted. It doesn't make you any less their child, and hopefully you and they both are secure in that relationship.

Let us know how it goes!

Well, I am mostly asking for advice on what to do, for the search, if anyone has an ideas. I am sensitive to my adopted parents, my mom is fully supportive, as I am sure my dad is too. I don't expect anything from my biological family, I expect the worse. I know that no matter what happens, my current family will always be my family. I love them to death, I just want to know why, thats all.

[By Grace]

I just want to know why, thats all.
Are you angry at them, on some level, or just curious?

[Nossa-the-Lame]

Are you angry at them, on some level, or just curious?

I am curious, I just really want to know why. I don't think I could really be angry, if I was I would just vow to never talk tothem again. And even ithey new they made me angry and apologized, I would accept that, everyone makes a mistake in their lifetime.

[insaneinthebrain]

My Mom's family is from Conway, SC. Not that it has anything to do with any of this...

[Nossa-the-Lame]

My Mom's family is from Conway, SC. Not that it has anything to do with any of this...

hey it might! well I dunno, not tyring to jump to any conclusions :P but thats interesting

[Yael]

I believe there is a service or organization that has a way to connect birth parents and birth children with each other. I recall that one registers with it and they some how match people. Everyone invloved has to be in agreement to contact the other. I guess you wouldn't sign up with it otherwise. I wish I could remember the name of it.

[Nossa-the-Lame]

I believe there is a service or organization that has a way to connect birth parents and birth children with each other. I recall that one registers with it and they some how match people. Everyone invloved has to be in agreement to contact the other. I guess you wouldn't sign up with it otherwise. I wish I could remember the name of it.

:eek: Duh duh duh...well, if you happen to remember the name, please don't hesitate to let us all know!

[Sephania]

Jason, I did a little research for you and found this http://www.genealogytoday.com/adoption/ you can go there to:



Finding Birthparents... We've set up a free database to help adoptees locate birthparents.

They have many links there to help in your search.

About the age difference, your father may have been too young to take on the responsibility and you mother may not have been able to do so herself. He could have been going off to college or something similar. Baruch HaShem your mother decided to give birth to you and to be responsible enough to have you adopted to wonderful, mature, loving parents!

[ILY]

Shalom all,

Keep digging Jas,

You'll find the info. you need I pray sooner rather than later.I think Zayit's link may be a good source.

Stay in touch!

YbiY

ILY

[Nossa-the-Lame]

Did your Mom happen to tell you if the woman that gave you up was Jewish or not?

I asked her, she said nope :(

[Nossa-the-Lame]

Well I told my dad this morning about what my mom told me, and the wholes tory of how this got started. He is behind me 200%, and right now I am signing up at this website http://www.web-detective.com/ . I pray it gives me good results.

[visionary]

While it is true that finding out the truth about your real family adds another dimention to your life, remember there is no guarentees as to which side of the fence these skeletons are. I just found out last year that I was not the oldest daughter of my mother. I learned that I have an older sister. It turned out when my mother was single, she was raped and became pregnant. She gave the baby up for adoption because of the trauma related and the attitude of that time. To this day she can not relate to the daughter, because of this. On the other hand, we have met and love our new found sister. She loves her adopted family and now has a whole new line of family and a history that she has not been a part of til now. This adds a whole new dynamics to the word family.

Go with your heart, understand that it will change your life, small or largely, depending on what happens when you meet.

Visionary

[Nossa-the-Lame]

thanks visionary. I signed up at classmates.com and I found 1 hit to my search for my mother, graduated in a high school in the same county as I was born, also graduatd at about ag 18, 10 years before my birth, its the closest thing I got, I sent her an email and prayingthat she responds firstly, then whether its good or bad is secondary. :prayer:

[Nossa-the-Lame]

update: no responce as of yet, I sent 2 emails, after the first one I had to explain who I was and what my intentions were(I kinda left out I was the baby boy, and what I am doing). I got an email confirmation for the fist one, saying she recieved it, got nothing for the second one, still waiting. And while I wait I am praying :prayer: , while I should be doing chemistry work :doh:

[Sephania]

Jason did you follow the link and go to genelogy today? She or He may be looking for you.

[Nossa-the-Lame]

:doh: Oh boy, forgot, and I could also try the other name given(from classmates!!) lemme take a look, I might have done it allready, not sure, I signed up for many places this weekend.

[Nossa-the-Lame]

I apologize for not replying to this thread sooner... my weekend was extremely busy. :sorry:

Woah, take a step back, your apologizing????? I will not accept that from ya! No need to apologize you being busy Erin. As they say from down under, No worries :) Same goes to everyone else!

I am happy to hear that you decided to email the lead you found. I will pray as we all wait for a reply. I know you must be extremely anxious. But don't let it consume you and continue to keep busy in the meantime. :)

I am trying, mostly chatting, and posting here! Right now I am just tyring to beat my friend in posts, he always seems to get ahead of me somehow....but yeah, Hopefully today school will pre-occupy me.

[ILY]

Shalom Nossa (the not so lame) :P

No worries indeed :) Things will work out in there due time.Have hope, and less worry.

We are all praying for you in all ways.Clean bill of health, reunification of your roots, to obtain your goals with swimming, but most importantly a strong knowledge and relationship with your Maker:pray: :bow: :prayer:

Endeavor to perservere.It will work out!

Shalom and shalom

YbiY
ILY

[Nossa-the-Lame]

Thanks Ily, you've been a great help with me so far buddy. It just seems life just pickd up in all aspects at the same time! Oh well.....